Relevance of forgiveness

The idea for this post came from an article I stumbled upon a few days back. The Amish school shooting was a horrific incident that took place in USA on Oct 2,2006. Innocent young girls lost their lives and the man who committed the crime ended up killing himself in the end. Tragedies like these that claim human life, especially young lives are met with lot of introspection,debate and criticism in the society/media. Amidst all the gloom and negativity around this incident, what shines out is the reaction of the victims’ family to the guilty man and his family. They realized that he was a troubled soul and his actions could not entirely be blamed on him. They reached out to his widow,his children,his parents and asked everyone else to be kind to them since they had also lost a loved one – maybe even before he took his life. I went through a few more articles surrounding this tragedy and realized that there was a major section of the US society that was shell-shocked at the reaction of the Amish community. They felt that an act as horrific as this deserved stronger reaction. Stronger in their opinion meant – ‘authority blaming, security bashing’ etc etc. I feel the reaction that actually came out was stronger than anything anyone could have ever imagined. To be so calm,wise and more importantly human amidst such heartbreak and chaos is not an easy thing to do. I am not an expert on religion but if the ideals of this particular community preach such tolerance,respect and compassion, then all I can say is hats off to them.

I don’t know if any of the readers till this point observed the fact that this incident happened on Oct 2 – the day we celebrate Gandhi Jayanti. The day we are meant to celebrate his ideals of peace,self -control,equality,hard work and compassion. Oct 2 is a national holiday. For most of us its just a holiday. I cannot remember the last time I actually did something worthwhile on a day we have dedicated to the ‘Father of our Nation’. It’s a pity isn’t it. I was home this year for Gandhi Jayanti and saw a statement made by Shashi Tharoor ( ya ya the same guy who made the cattle remark a few weeks prior) ,wherein he questioned the relevance of this day being a holiday. He remarked that on a day where we are supposed to remember the Mahatma, all we do is sit in our homes and do nothing. He was of the opinion that, instead on this day we should work harder. We should get our lazy bums off the couch and do something. I feel he got it right this time – good for him . I am not here to question his opinion because I belong to the category of people he mentioned – the ones with a lazy bum. I did nothing special on Oct 2nd. For me it was a long weekend and I enjoyed it. I watched Lage Raho Munnabhai and it was then that I realized that the movie was being aired because of Gandhi Jayanti. I felt a little ashamed at myself after seeing a debate on a news channel regarding this whole issue and the relevance of Gandhian principles in modern day India.

Now,I am not a huge follower of his principles because by nature I am not the kind of person who would show her other cheek if someone slapped me on one. I would instead hit the person back. Having said that I also believe that it requires great strength to forgive someone.Yet, incidents like the Amish school shooting prove that there is nothing greater than forgiveness and if someone in such pain can find the courage and inner strength to forgive then we all can give it a shot. Life is too short to nurse grudges. I know the whole revenge thingy sounds very dramatic/exciting to many youngsters ,including me ,but going through all the articles around this subject made me understand why forgiving and not playing the blame game is such a big thing to do. I think today’s world needs more people like the ones I mentioned earlier. They have given a whole new relevance to forgiveness.

Deranged marriages

As she walked into the room with a tray in her hand, she could feel the tension all around. She tried hard to look composed and calm, although confliciting thoughts ran in her mind. “Namastey”, she said in the most polite way and put the tray down on the centre-table. Her mum looked at her with a nod of approval. After all she had practiced this ritual for more than a week. For her, this whole process seemed like a scene straight out of a movie made in eastman color. Yet, she did not have the courage to go against her parent’s wishes. As she sat down in the most girlish way possible with a fake shy-face, the parents started laughing and eating. “Damn, I cannot even eat”, she muttered to herself. Her mind kept wandering to the things she wanted to do. She had always wanted to learn dancing,teach kids and travel around.Her dreams were jolted back to reality when she was asked to leave the place to let the ‘elders do the talking’. After two weeks she got married to a guy whose name she barely knew. She never danced, she had kids of her own to take care of and the only travel she did was for family gatherings.

This is the fate of many women in India. ‘Yet, the success rate of these marriages is astonishing’ – argue some people. Well, depends on how you define a successful marriage. If having children,going to movies on weekends and having dinner together is all that is required then our country is an example nation. Unfortunately for many women even this is not a reality. They are trapped in marriages where all they are required to do is cook,clean and cater… cater to the whims and fancies of the man. I am not trying to bash up men here. It must be tough even for guys to stay married, only because the society expects them to earn and bring money back home. There is so much more to life than just all this. Till the last generation, compromises and constraints made marriages more of a necessity. The women needed financial support and the guys needed domestic help. It was a symbiotic relation. Does the concept work in today’s world??

Most women work today. Yet, she is “still” expected to keep her home spic and span, cook and take care of dishes. When will she have the time to pursuit her other interests. Where does it leave room for adventure and tension-free times. Going out for a holiday to some exotic destination once every 3 months is not a substitute for spending quality time every day. Marriages can work even in a situation like this provided the couple genuinely loves each other and wants to stay together. But, with arranged marriages love has become manufactured and the couple sticks together for the sake of society or children or family but not for their sake. Its important to realize how obselete the idea of arranged marriages has become in modern day society. Trouble is, our generation has moved ahead but our parents are stuck between the ideals they grew up with and the ideals that are growing in their kids. Its quite a challenge for them to understand why we are so averse to the concept of arranged marriages. They argue “whats the guarantee that love marriages will work”. Well, marriages do not come with a guarantee. For that matter any relationship cannot be guaranteed. But, if things go wrong its only the couple who will be at fault. It will be their responsibility to see to the future of their relation. If you know a person before getting married, you will respect each other’s ambitions and give each other the freedom to follow them. If some problem arises then you will sort it out or not get married. There are so many options. Everything is so logical about the arguments in favor of love marriages that it almost seems implausible to the elder generation. I can understand the anguish of parents whose children run away or secretly get married. That is the most cruel thing a child can do to his parents. They surely deserve better treatment. I do not understand though the problem parents have when you introduce the guy/girl in your life and are honest about your relation. If the guy/girl is good, what is the problem? Just because you did not get his/her photograph through some ‘trusted source’ you are against the marriage. I find that lame and the solution is that both parents and their children have to learn to respect each other’s emotions and be honest. I do not see why love marriages won’t work in an environment like this. After all nothing is more important than love.

Once upon a time in Assam

For 3 years ,I stayed at an amazing place called Nazira in Assam. For 3 years ,I carried an umbrella everytime I stepped out of my house. For 3 years ,I wore three layers of clothing during winter and snuggled into a ‘razai‘ closeby to the roomheater. For 3 years, I learnt Assamese from an amazing didi. For 3 years ,going home meant travelling in a train for more than two days. For 3 years, fun games meant picking up snails and trying to make them come out of their shells. Okay, I heard a collective ‘eww’ for the last line . I have never been so close to nature and so away from mundane everyday worries. Maybe it had something to do with my age but I would like to believe that I was blessed to be in such a beautiful place for 3 years.

When dad got transferred to Assam from Mumbai(it was Bombay then ) mum was extremely wary of shifting because it practically felt like moving to some other country. New language,new culture,far from home etc etc. But within one month of shifting to Assam the entire family fell in love with the place. For a pukka south indian family like ours, such a fast adjustment seemed improbable to many friends and family. It was a pleasant surprise to watch sunrise at 4am. I clearly remember how mum would get up and wake all of us up at 4 thinking it was 8 because of how bright the sun was that early time in the morning. This incident has become a staple joke at many dinner tables in our house much to mum’s annoyance .

We shifted into the ONGC colony in Nazira and stayed in this small and cosy house that had a huge garden in the frontyard – a total contrast from the matchbox lifestyle in Mumbai. There were these occasional sightings of snakes and other creatures which became a source of immense pondering and discussion for a few days till a local guy would walk in and effortlessly capture the thing. I have never experienced so much adventure at any other place.

Inspite of being far away from home, we never felt like outsiders there. Partly because many families like ours had been posted there and the colony was filled with cultures from all over India. Every weekend was an excuse to have a party or a get-together or host/attend an event. It was the kind of socializing that did not require one to write an interesting profile or post pictures . To sound cliched it was a different life and a life I would want to experience again. That is precisely why I am planning to write a series of posts on my life@Assam. Its an idea that has been in my mind for quite some time and luckily I have shrugged off my laziness. I hope I can maintain my enthusiasm and write about 3 years of my life to the best of my ability!

Me revoila

Its been a really long time since I wrote something worth reading (well, chats with friends and smses to your ‘khaas’ friends do not count ). Thanks to my mum ,I am atleast picking up the pen and writing down my expenses in a diary which was given to me solely for that purpose and trust me it is quite an eye opener when you look back at some of the crazy shit on which you spend your “hard-earned” money. Nevertheless, I am glad I remembered my wordpress password (after about 12 failed attempts!). I have been reading a lot of posts courtesy the iiit blogroll and at the risk of sounding arrogant I would like to state that the ug2k5 bloggers were quite a unique bunch . I wish the entire blogging gang would write more often and take some burden off our flagbearer Himank . I wanted to write quite a lot about all that has happened over the past couple of months (because quite a lot has happened ) but I feel rusty , so that topic is reserved for the next post. I did watch a lot of good,bad and awful movies. Kaminey and Magadheera were super entertaining but Kambakht Ishq has redefined film standards and I mean it in the most negative way but I still feel rusty , so even this topic is reserved for later . Also, Liverpool’s disgraceful performances means I cannot or rather do not want to talk about football.

So, I also shamelessly pick this up from Karan’s blog, because I have nothing better to do (seriously I dont).

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
Nothing to be honest .

2. How much cash do you have in your wallet right now?
Rs. 565

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
more

4. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Bhargava

5. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
Now that I have a dumb Nokia cell phone from the prehistoric era, I would like to pass this question.

6. What are you wearing right now?
Jeans and shirt.

7. Do you label yourself?
No.

8. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently own?
Not a brand person at all. If I love a pair I just buy them.

9. Bright or Dark Room?
Definetely bright. (Orange is my fav color so no surprises here)

10. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
Karan : Hardworking,intelligent and most likely to succeed.

11. What does your watch look like?
I dont wear a watch.

12. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Sleeping.

13. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
Nisha : When are u guys coming for breakfast?

14. What’s a word that you say a lot?
Hey.

15. Who told you he/she loved you last? (please exclude spouse , family, children)

16. Last furry thing you touched?
My teddy bear (the most awesome gift ever)

17. Favorite age you have been so far?
14-15 (tenth grade)

18. What was the last thing you said to someone?
You will rot in hell ( to Tarun – he most definetely will )

19. The last song you listened to?
Boom Boom Pow – Black Eyed Peas

20. Where did you live in 1987?
Mumbai.

21. Are you jealous of anyone?
Of course I am.

22. Is anyone jealous of you?
I think so.

23. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
Gold chain, perfume, a sacred thread on my right hand.

24. What’s your favorite town/city?
Hyderabad.

25. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
6 years ago to my parents.

26. Can you change the oil on a car?
Eww. No way.

27. Your first love/big crush: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
That he is doing pretty ok.

28. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
No.

29. What is your current desktop picture?
The sytycd – 5 top 10 gang.

30. Have you been burnt by love?
No.

24

The following events take place between 6AM and 6AM

I wake up early, much much early , courtesy a bad dream and somehow cannot go back to the warmth of my bed. Cursing, I get up from the bed not realizing that this is just the beginning of what would go on to be a not so great day. My grandparents are doing some chores and I sleepwalk to my bag to get my brush and toothpaste. As soon as I put the brush into my mouth, I yell out (atleast I try to) and realize that I have some scrubber gel on it instead of colgate. I curse, throw the brush away and curse again because now I have to go pick it up! A while later my cousin gets up and we are both super excited because we are going shopping. We get ready and eat little for breakfast because we have secret plans to eat all the roadside crap while shopping. As we make our way to the bus stop , a bus just leaves. Not to let our spirits get dampened by this setback, we wait for the next 50 mins in scorching heat (we arent that excited about clothes anymore) for another bus. Its crowded but we decide to board it neverthless because another minute in the bus stop would have drove us both crazy. We reach our destination, shop endlessly, window shop and then shop endlessly again. In the process we realize that we have just about enough cash to reach home. So we cannot have anything to eat. And we are starving. We look at the bags in our hands and suddenly we aren’t that hungry (well, we both were but none of us wanted to take the blame for the spree). We board a bus, reach home and make a dash for the dining room where granma has everything prepared. We eat like people who have come from food-deprived concentration camps and then the reality sets in. We are tired. So we decide to take a nap. Just as my eyelids are about to close, a huge sound scares the daylight out of me. I look out of the window to see a bunch of kids engrossed in firing crackers. Damn it! So we cannot sleep and cannot eat (coz we have just eaten like Homer Simpson) which indirectly means we have a boring day ahead.

Suddenly walks in our cousin with a huge grin on his face. He declares that he will take us for a movie (actually, he had other plans but we got all emotional and abusive ,so he had to give in). We want to see Roadside Romeo but tickets are not available. One of his friends has tagged along and tells us that a theatre nearby is playing Heroes and its a decent watch. So we get all ready to go and watch a nice movie. But as luck would have it, what was playing there was Hero and not Heroes. I haven’t even heard of this movie. It has Nithin (??? who) and Bhavana (????who) in the lead. ‘Mast picture hai’ says some guy at the counter looking at our perplexed faces. ‘Well,how bad could it be ‘, remarks my brother and so we buy the tickets and enter the hall. 10 minutes in and I know this is in the league of ‘Aap mujhe ache lagne lage’. The acting is horrible, the dialogues are borderline pathetic and there is no story. Wow! Thats an achievement. Add to it some crude humor, item songs and girls dressed as urchins (by which I mean minimal clothing). I want to run out but my bro has a logic. However bad a movie might be – you never walk out till the end credits roll. Shoot. So, we are stuck watching this remarkable piece of art and by the end all of us have a headache. None of us says anything on the way back (secretly though I want to kill the director of the movie). We reach home and then suddenly start laughing hysterically. I guess the movie wasn’t that bad after all. It gave us so much to talk about. We tell all our neighbors and relatives that its a great movie and a must-watch.

Finally, we crash and sleep. I wake up early, much much early and look at the watch. Its 6AM.

Dog of another kind

Ari Gold has a classic quote in Entourage which goes something like ‘This town loves nothing more than a comeback and since Britney blew her’s, there is still chance….’ (a few words have been changed because Ari is an obscenity machine). Unfortunately, this episode must have been shot quite early because Britney is back big time and all the people who cursed her saying she is an irresponisble parent, drug addict, disaster on feet (none of which btw was wrong) are singing her latest tunes. I have always been a Britney fan and am glad she is doing better with her career and life in general. Though, this got me thinking beyond just one person’s comeback. Remember when Sourav made a comeback into Indian cricket and his success was so much ‘more’ phenomenal, Amitabh went through a slump but created history with KBC and everyone started worshipping him once again and the list is pretty long. Its not that people dont celebrate other success stories, its just that when an underdog – someone of whom not many expect great things at that time proves all of us wrong , we actually like it although we were wrong because somewhere deep inside our heart we always root for the underdog.

Do you think the CL final between Milan and Liverpool would have been that dramatic had the latter not been three goals down or the wimby final that exciting had Fed not come down from two sets down to challenge Nadal. I dont think so and I think being an underdog is a privelege. Yes, it can be tough emotionally on you and your family but it gives you such a wonderful opportunity to start afresh without any pressure because people have already written you off. Yet, they want a challenge, a success story worthy of Reader’s Digest and they will cheer for you irrespective of your past accomplishments or failures.

Its so much easier to attack than to defend. Its better to be the challenger than the challenged.

‘Every underdog has his day’

Are we a culturally proud generation

‘India’s population is its biggest strength. More people means more brains and more brains means more development’. This was an answer given by a beauty paegant contestant a few years back and I remember being amused at her optimism/stupidity because in my opinion its our population that needs to be addressed first before any basic problem can be solved permanently. Today I agree with her to some extent.

Watching our big neighbour China put on such a splendid show for the Olympics made me realize that if you put your heart and soul into something, you can easily turn doubts into beliefs and beliefs into reality. China has embarked on this rapid economic development quest of theirs at a huge risk to their environment,culture and political standing but all that put aside they managed to achieve something great even with a population bigger than ours. We are in now way a lesser economic power but the problem is not with the country but with the people.

We find it below our dignity to pick up someone else’s trash and put it into the dustbin. I myself am guilty on many accounts and am not too proud of it. We also think that jeans is way cooler than salwar-kameez. I have nothing against people who wear western wear, it is just that do not degrade your own culture.Someone who wears jeans does not become a babe and someone who wears salwar-kameez does not become a behenji.Its what in your head and heart that matters.

I think we need to start taking pride in our culture, our traditions and ourselves. Its only then that people outside will realize how awesome India is because we are walking talking advertisements for our nation. Imagine how cool it would be if a person dressed in a tux could greet by saying a namastey and speak in fluent hindi.

Summer Story 08 – Part 2

What an eventful couple of weeks since I last wrote a post. A lot of interesting things and a whole lot of crap has happened over this period and strangely enough my summer story still seems headed one way – me turning into a couch potato.

I tend to sleep early when I am home and it took a CL semifinal match to keep me up beyond 12 after a long time. It was a great match between Liverpool and Chelsea and as heartbroken as I am for Liverpool, I think Chelsea deserved to win the match. I am not quite sure if they deserved the semifinal though. And what a boring match between ManU and Barcelona. It bored me to death.

The IPL has been the other thing I have been following and initially I was supporting Deccan Chargers (obvious choice) and KKR ( ‘coz I am a huge SRK fan), but I think its better to support the winning teams because you don’t get disappointed that often. So go Rajasthan Royals! I must admit that watching Warne and Smith play together makes me laugh out loud.

The ATP clay court season is in full swing and as expected Nadal is reigning supreme. I was never fond of him primarily because he was the one thing that stopped Federer from completing a career slam but now I like him and think that he is a good sport even when he is on the losing side unlike Djokovic – whom I really adore and admire but somehow success seems to have gone to his head. Fedex is coming into his own and in spite of being ill this whole year his commitment to tennis is worthy of applause and even if he does not win the French this year, he will still remain the greatest tennis player around. I check the BBC sports section pretty often and they create so much fuss about Andy Murray being the next big thing that it is amusing to see their optimism. Typical English complex

A few things you should not miss if you have access to a television set

1. Headlines Today and their pathetic Entertainment Quarter. It is funnier than all the Jim Carrey movies put together.

special mention to their over the top “Great Khali comes back to India ” coverage.

2. Zee Cafe is pretty decent and have lots of good old sitcom re-runs like Full House and Who’s the Boss? .

3. Zoom TV and its flash news bar with its irrelevant news items are pretty entertaining.

4. The TTC on Zee Cafe is a great show. So is American Idol and Ugly Betty.

5. Do not miss Zee TV from 9pm to 9.30 pm for the show of the century – Kasam Se. It is beyond comprehension of mere mortals like me but is so stupid that you will not stop laughing. Side effects – it is addictive !!

The temperatures are pretty high in Rajahmundry and with EAMCET on May 8th I feel sorry for all the students who have to write exams in such heat. Hoping that I get rid of my lazy bones and part 3 is much more interesting.

Summer story ‘08 – Part 1

I swear that if one more person asks me what I am doing this summer, I am going to snap and snap back at them as well. I understand that being students we must be ‘up to something’ but gosh , some people derive satanic pleasure by constantly posing that question just because they want to tell what is so exciting about summer to them(things like working on projects and internships are on top of the list). For me doing nothing is super exciting. An idle brain to me is a great thing. You can do so many things with it! There was a time when summers were all about that and I wish it went back to being the same. Having said that I know it is ridiculous to hope for the typical ’summer vacations’ because we have supposedly grown up and so have our cousins.

This summer in particular has been really hard on me. There is a limit to how much a person can laze around and I have exceeded mine. I was home for a couple of weeks and in spite of keeping myself engaged through some activities, the free time I had on my hand drove me crazy. I have probably seen the CB series matches 20 times by now, heard the Krazzy 4 title track like a trillion times and have lost count of the number of re-runs of FRIENDS I have been surviving on. Guess what, I still have time. I know I can do something constructive like join some class or prepare for CAT which has been my excuse for not doing anything this summer and yet, I do not feel inspired to study. So like every typical person in my place

I bash the television networks

Curse the scorching heat

Open orkut and facebook every 5 minutes

Eat like there is no tomorrow (this one is my speciality)

Argue endlessly with mum over the most insignificant things – which btw is incredible timepass.

This more or less sums up my summer story so far. There is 3 more months left and I am hoping that things do not get worse – well what could be more boring than this. I am blogging about what all I ‘have not done’ this summer and that just goes to show how slow summers can make you.

I really hope

Ajay Jadeja has some honest friends who can tell him how badly he sucks.

Deccan Chargers wake up from their slumber just like me.

Tashan does well at the box office because I belong to the minority who like Saif-Bebo.Kareena was too fiesty for Shahid anyways.

Liverpool beat the hell out of Chelsea at SB and Riise scoring a goal would be true to Liverpool style.

Barcelona beat Man United. I do not care how that happens but ManU should be made to eat dirt.

Signing off with hopes for a brighter, less warmer and interestingly idle summer.

The art of saying ‘NO’

I call it an art because this monosyllabic word can cause catastrophes, break-ups, heartbreaks,wars etc. On the positive side , it can save you from embarrassment, from a situation you are dreading and all the things above. I have been in situations when I was literally tongue tied and could not bring myself to say no, fearing how I would come across to the people.

A friend asks ‘Do I look fat’ – if its a girl posing the question never say yes. That is like a golden rule.

Some people feel obliged to do things even though they do not want to because they do not want to hurt the feelings of the other person or want to earn some brownie points. Saying no is neither being nice nor being nasty.It all depends on how you say it and all the explanation after that – provided the person gives you that chance !! Saying no in a strange was is a proof of you being assertive. Paradoxical but true. At least it shows that you are honest and not caving into pressure.

It does seem to be part of human nature to blame others when things go wrong in our lives, or when we’re feeling hard done by. If you take away the ‘if only’ excuse you also take away the need to blame and make the other person wrong. It’s also rather wonderful to think that rather than waiting for someone else to change to make things all right, we all have the ability to take charge of most situations and make them all right for ourselves.

What also makes it easier is that we all just have to get better at ‘the art of saying no’; none of us has to change our whole personalities to create a more satisfying outcome!

Remember – there is a new ‘N word’ !!!!